Ehhhh guess I’ll just go to bed.. Woop woop
The last place we stayed at and this one both have terrible Internet…. Its so spotty I can’t upload my picture diaries and tumblr is just text posts and a bunch of empty boxes…. Its like dial up except it never loads or it takes foreveerrrrr to then fail and partially load.
Besides that, still having a great time. Paris has been really great!
I wish I could but that under a read more because I am selfconcious of my opinions and feels unless I feel happy and even then I feel self conscious again
I love drawing, its my favorite thing to do. And if there’s one thing about this trip that I’m really grateful for. Its for bringing that love back into my life, because I lost it, and it took me until now to realize.
School gets you in this weird mindset, where its all about getting a job and being successful. And sure getting a job doing something I love to do is the end goal, but it doesn’t really work when I’ve lost the love. Sure it would come back at random moments, I’d have good days. But overall, there was an element that was always forced. I needed to get better, I wasn’t good enough, all that stuff. It made drawing silly stuff, stuff I really enjoyed hard, because what was I going to gain from it? Its just silly crappy stuff.
On top of that, my schools year round schooling didnt help either. With summer break, you have a chance to work on your own stuff, and draw that things that you really want to draw instead of working on projects. Veg out because thats good too for a little bit.
It gives you a chance to recharge your artistic batteries. But all round with a couple weeks off inbetween doesn’t give you that chance. Its like two weeks of being exhausted from school and one week (sometimes) of bouncing back and then you’re back in class again.
Add a job on top of the year round schooling, and suddenly all your time is dedicated to something else, and drawing for fun isn’t really a thing anymore. Sure I’d have fun working on projects, but I lost that spark of I’m just gonna draw for hours and make silly stories because I can. I’m gonna learn because its fun, and I’m going to practice because I like it. I wasn’t doing anything for me, but for others so that I could get that job or do well in that class, whatever…
I didnt realize how much trouble I was having with it until this trip, because it took me almost two weeks to have the same kind of fun in my sketchbook I used to have prior to school, even though I’ve been done since December.
I dunno. Its weird. Its hard to explain, because maybe its just me. But on this trip I’ve almost filled an entire sketchbook and it hasn’t even been a month. I used to draw this much all the time before school, and thats the last time I remember it being so much fun I guess.
I’m know I’m gonna freak out once I get back to the states and have to find a job and I’ll probably be weepy because I’ll get stressed out and feel like a looser because I don’t think I’m good enough. But I just really hope that despite all that, I don’t get so knotted up and stressed out that I can’t draw for fun anymore.
That’s all I guess! I wrote a lot and it probably doesn’t make sense I’ve been on a train all day and its like 1:30 am here right now and I should prooooobably go to sleep!
I’m nervous but excited for the future. Ready to start a new chapter!
Generally positive skies with a few passing clouds of doubt aww yiss!
Jelly over and outtttt
The Internet here is awful.. Ido I think tumblr atelier original post? Well see. If it uploads a bunch I’m sorry guys, will try to fix asap